Christmas Number One – A ‘Proper Christmas’ with No Sausage Rolls
As the race for the Christmas number one single heats up, one band hoping to claim the top spot is the mysterious supergroup ‘The Krackpots’ with their song ‘Proper Christmas’. Although the identity of the band members is a closely guarded secret, Luke Andrews has an exclusive interview with a powerhouse of Christmas hits to discuss the song.
Lyrical wordsmith Kunt, from ‘The Kunts’ is once again hoping to claim the coveted Christmas number one spot, having previously come close with the infamous “Boris Johnson Is a F*cking C*nt” (number 5, 2020), the sequel, “Boris Johnson Is Still a F*cking C*nt (number 5, 2021), “F*ck the Tories” (number 7, 2022) and “Scrap the Monarchy” (number 9, 2023).
The cheeky chappie from Basildon hopes to take full advantage of a lack of sausage roll-themed songs being released over the festive period and storm the charts.
His latest offering, ‘A Proper Christmas’ as part of the Krackpots, is a surprisingly family-friendly, nostalgic offering but has the familiar catchy melody that is a hallmark of all Kunt’s songs.
Kunt kindly spared me five minutes to chat about his new song, football and what a proper Christmas means to him.
Luke: Thanks for taking the time to have a chat with me, especially at this time of year when a new release from you is becoming as much of a Christmas tradition as mince pies, turkey and Grimsby Town losing on Boxing Day.
Your new song, ‘A Proper Christmas,’ is somewhat a departure from your paperboy ballads and musicals about Shannon Mathews; why the change?
“There seems to be some confusion! There is a rumour going round that The Krackpots is my work, but they are, in fact, a mystery band who no one knows the identity of, like Banksy or Kendo Nagasaki. I have been supporting and promoting them because I think the song is a Christmas cracker, a proper old-school Christmas song harking back to the good old days of Slade and Wizzard, with a bit of Madness and Chas and Dave thrown in for good measure.”
“Even if it was me, I wouldn’t say because that would be the kiss of death for a lovely, heartwarming Christmas song to be associated with the bloke who wrote that song about the paperboy.”
Luke: The BBC and the mainstream media have totally snubbed your previous songs, refusing to give them airtime despite you releasing ‘clean’ versions of your hits, including the infamous ‘Boris Johnson is a sausage roll’ mix. As you now identify as a puppet, are you expecting a call from the BBC for you to appear on Top of the Pops on Christmas Day?
“I am hoping, for the Krackpot’s sake, that any association between them and me is quickly put to bed, so the BBC will play them on the charts and have them on Top of The Pops. I could see it being a seminal Top of the Pops moment, like when Boy George was on for the first time.”
Luke: It’s been quite a journey for you over the last few years, from crowdfunding to raise enough cash to release your first book and going from a minor internet celebrity to a KLF-style force in the music industry. What have been the highs and lows for you?
“The low would have to be the frustration at learning firsthand how the media operates to hide news or anything remotely subversive that they don’t want you to find out about. The best bit, without a doubt, would have to be seeing a song called Boris Johnson is a F*cking C*nt listed at number 5 in the Christmas chart of 2020, and then a year later seeing Boris Johnson is STILL a F*cking C*nt in exactly the same spot!”
Luke: During the lockdowns, you entertained your fans with regular live sets on Facebook.
Now, the terms “hero” and “national treasure” are often thrown around like confetti, but it’s fair to say you did your bit to keep morale up at a time when everywhere, except Downing Street, was under strict rules.
You released the ‘Korona Klub Klassics’, and in one of the songs, you reveal that you have a cousin who looks like Pavel Pogrebnyak, suggesting you have a broad knowledge of footballers, especially Russian ones who used to play for Fulham and Reading.
As many of our visitors are football fans, which team or teams do you support?
“I started supporting Liverpool in the early 80s when I was a kid because they had Ian Rush banging in goals for fun, and I was an 8-year-old glory hunter. That worked out great for about ten years and then went pear-shaped, but I have always and still look for their scores first, though I’ve only been along to see them a handful of times in recent years.”
“When I was touring round the country with my solo stuff, I would go and see a game wherever I was playing that weekend, so I ended up going to lots of Championship grounds at the time, Sheffield Wednesday and United, Blackburn, Wigan, Wolves, Birmingham, Forest, loads of them!”
Luke: Despite ‘Proper Christmas’ being different to the songs you are associated with, it has that same ability to become a constant earworm; cheers for that, by the way!
“Yes, it is very catchy! I think the Krackpots must have accidentally or purposefully mined my patented songwriting formula – (Sing the title, repeat the title, something else of varied length, and sing the title again). But I don’t mind; good luck to them (whoever they are)!”
Luke: To wrap things up, what is a ‘proper Christmas’ for you?
“Family, disappointing presents that you have to put a brave face on to save people’s feelings, a big f*ck off dinner that leaves you full up until the evening, too many Quality Street and a family argument over a board game. And I love every f*cking minute of it.”
The Krackpot’s Proper Christmas, which most definitely has nothing to do with Kunt, has entered the UK charts at 37, just days after being released.
You can support the song by buying a copy or streaming if money is tight. You can find all you need to know at https://properchristmas.info.
